Calla's Thirteenth Post

I don't have anything in particular about which I want to freak out today, and I'm asking myself how is that even possible. If you have learned anything about me thus far from my posts it should probably be that I am easily overly excitable. We (Tabby and myself) are currently listening to mewithoutYou, and if you are unfortunate enough to have never heard them, you should QUICKLY, I repeat QUICKLY, go find some. Oh me oh my they make me want to cry (haha, I like that phrase from yesterday!) in a good, grand, great way. Aaron Weiss is in a league of his own (ok, Joanna Newsom can join him) as far as lyricists are concerned. Probably ("probably," remember that) my favorite song is A Glass Can Only Spill What it Contains. You should look for the lyrics and read them.

Also, I am a bit (just a bit) in love with Aaron Weiss in that I am too nervous ever to talk to him if I see him before shows and instead I just giggle compulsively and jump up and down a bit. (See, the overly excitable thing kicks in.) Also, I sometimes accidentally obsess about what a good human being he is and then I feel guilty for idolizing him because I know this would make him uncomfortable. But really I admire him, and feel guilty a lot that he seems like a more environmentally friendly, less materialistic person than I am. (I often crave new shoes and I like to own movies and books even though I can borrow books for free from the library and Tabby has a netflix account for movies)

One time I made an impromptu list of my sins intermingled into some poetry/prayer bit. The shoes were on that list. . . I don't know if I felt guilty about the movies and books that given day. But right now I do. I also feel bad that Macs are made in China and I encouraged Tabby to buy a new one (One that would play Spore he oh-s0-desired, you see.) so I could have his old one which is this one. I will try to find the list and prayer/poem.

I found it, I found the list of sins. Would you like to see what led up to the list, or only the list, or neither? I will write them both. They will be in two different colors. If you do not want to read the thoughts leading up, you should skip the orangish color. If you do not want to read the list you should skip the bluish color. If you do not want to read either you should skip both of those colors!! (Which are complimentary colors, by the way.) Also, this was written in February when I was still planning on studying human rights law. Now I study nonprofit management. So, that is that. . . Also, I cannot make the spacing be how I want it exactly, so this is not really exactly what I wrote; only it is the words to what I wrote. . . Not the wholeness of it though, when spacing is considered.

The message of the virgins and the lamp and the oil-
You must know when to stop saving others and focus on yourself
Do not be so foolish as to attempt to save the lost and let you both
become the damned.

Where is the line?
Where is the breaking point?

When is it time for selfishness and pride?

Christ remaining in remote
regions to hide himself from throngs in need.
The monks who retreat to unworldly places.
In it, not of it, no–– out of it
in safety.
That man who built the pillar to live life away
from lust and greed
And I, shielding myself from the life of a lawyer
before it even begins to be past.

Is this justified?
Where the virgin justified?
Was Christ himself, the god and man,
righteous in his resolutions when they involved his sanity -
his ability to breathe alone in peace with the father-
Leaving the crowds to fend for themselves-
Like when you discover your favorite artist was in town
just yesterday - only much worse.

Seeking cures for cancers, diseases and doubts -
he flees to the neighboring town
sinless.

This is the purpose. Blameless
Sacrifice. The unblotted lamb-
And if he can do so much than
sure we are justified at saving
ourselves the same way?
Where is the line?
Where is the break?

This is my list of sins

• I walk by homeless begging people too lazy to give them my change.
• I get frustrated by the minds of children when they cannot grasp the concept of calm.
• I doubt my God-given abilities daily, hourly, each breath.
• I curse my body in vanity- My functioning, necessary body.
• I bought 2 umbrellas made in China and purchased cat food from Petco.
• I have no patience for the dumb or the vain though I am dumb and vain myself.
• I crave shoes and will gladly waste money on them
• I take birth control which may poison fish and also use draino sometimes.
• I complain about my privileged life each chance I encounter
• I waste my time, I waste my brains. I waste artistic talent.
• I become 'holier than thou' when I consider the presidential candidates and average citizens of this nation.
• I own too much
• I cry to much
• I don't allow for self-pity, which is counterproductive.
• I don't trust. I find fault. I find wavering impulses inside my veins to call Christ a sinner for not doing more --

And I know this is
unreasonable

Because it could not have been achieved
without a stainless
sacrifice.

So where it the line?
Where is the point of departure?

P.S. I don't pray Daily and often insult your mother.

That is a weird thing to post here. But I am doing it because pretty much whatever pops into my head is what I type or put onto this thing. It's rather amusing to do things that way, I would say so myself.

Sometimes I do insult the Virgin Mary. . . I don't have a reason for doing it beyond that I don't understand the Catholic perception of her, and I take that fact out on her, herself. . . which is not nice. Sorry Mary.

Love,
Calla and MEOWS

(Also, I made on Tabby's Spore in the creature creator a creature called a Buttermow. If you are playing spore you should look for him/her. S/he is cute cute cute!)